Dear Annie: Husband’s family plan fails miserably and can let new mum hold the bag

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Dear Annie: I recently got married to the father of my youngest child, and so far, nothing is going as planned.

A bit of background: When we found out that I had miraculously become pregnant with my third child (his first), he wanted me to quit my job and be a stay-at-home mom. I didn’t like the idea, and saved my foot until she was a few months old. Between the understaffing and reduced hours at daycare and my eldest son’s behavioral issues, we broached the subject again.

He constantly assured me that he would take care of the finances and I prepared myself for my new role.

We quickly ran away, despite my reluctance, so the kids and I could be on his insurance, and in the meantime, I worked part-time from home until they could find me a replacement and complete our income.

I’ll spare the details because it’s quite long, but in the last two months we’ve been married, the insurance payments were higher than he told me, and he started to undertake fewer projects, which meant he made less money. It was stressful, and without my part-time job, the bills wouldn’t have been paid.

Well, unbeknownst to me, he’s started applying for local jobs, and he now has an interview scheduled for Monday. The monthly salary is still lower than what he currently earns, and this will force me to return to full-time work. Working in itself is not a problem, but my company has already hired my replacement, so I will have to start the job search while taking care of the children during the day.

Right now I feel hurt, betrayed, lied to and cheated on. I try not to be reckless, but I feel pushed into a corner. I tried to talk to him and they said, “It’s hard to be nice to you.

I feel like the man I was with for three years has left and been replaced by someone I don’t recognize. What do I do? How can I feel anything other than resentment right now? — Resentment in Idaho

Dear Resentment: Obviously, things didn’t go according to your husband’s plan. What happened to him? Why has it changed so drastically? A good couples therapist may be able to help you sort through your resentments. Also, you and your husband should sit down and go over all of your monthly expenses to make sure you’re both on the same page. He may not be likable now, but the numbers don’t lie. He will have to take on more projects or accept a new job offer right away.

Send your questions for Annie Lane to [email protected].

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