DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I am asexual, just like my beautiful girlfriend. We live harmoniously together and sleep together or separately depending on the demands of the working day. We are affectionate and like to cuddle to watch movies, and we share the same hobbies.
We just don’t care about sex – we don’t want it, we’re not interested and we’re both okay with that.
The problem is that my family thinks we are resisting them, in terms of not getting married and not giving them grandchildren. We love each other, but we don’t “do” sex and both have serious careers. We intend to be childless forever.
What do we tell our parents? Recently, my parents told us that they were sad because they had no grandchildren. They keep wishing and hoping.
Do they need to know that we are asexual? This seems like oversharing, but it would definitely stop the general hints we’ve been getting lately.
— Happy asexual couple, Wolseley
Dear couple: The only information you need to share with your loved ones is this: you are not going to have children, because you prefer to remain “childless”. The details of your room’s situation do not concern them, just as theirs do not concern you. There may be another discussion or two about the kids with your parents, but make sure the topic doesn’t stay open for further discussion afterwards.
Be sure to emphasize how much you love your life as a couple. If you and your partner have pets, share them more and encourage your parents to “baby” them when you go away.
Once you’re upfront about your baby-free plan, your parents can focus on other family members’ children or simply get a pet of their own to pamper them in their own home.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I caught my husband in a full fledged affair. He’s a tall, muscular man, but he actually broke down and cried huge tears, and I believed his remorseful words. He was so terribly sorry and promised never to cheat again.
Then I followed my mother’s advice. I started dressing better and paying more attention to him, inside and outside the bedroom. I forgave him for cheating and we privately reconverted in our marriage. It seemed that he had forgotten “her”. (I will never call him by his name.)
Imagine my shock when I found a letter from her in her pants pocket this week. She was referring to things he had said to her since he had been caught. He said he had to give the impression that he was “good” with his wife – or he would be financially ruined. (He works for my family’s business.)
The woman also mentioned her crying and how she believed him when he said he still loved her. His crocodile tears worked again! I’m done with him, but my religious mother says “men are men” and to give him another chance. What do you think? I’m sick of this idiot, but I only have a part-time job.
— Irreparable Marriage, East Kildonan
Dear Irreparable: If crocodiles could talk, they’d tell you they don’t shed tears because they feel sorry. Your husband also seems to be programmed to shed tears when the atmosphere gets uncomfortably hot.
It’s time to say “goodbye”, but get ready first. You probably need a full-time job or two part-time gigs. (Luckily, his job in the family business may become vacant soon!) Ask your close friends and family to look for a good job for you. Then, assemble a real support team – a personal advisor, a financial advisor and an excellent divorce lawyer – and set yourself free.
Please send questions and comments to [email protected] or Miss Lonelyhearts c/o the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.
Maureen Scurfield writes the Miss Lonelyhearts advice column.