The strange dichotomy of family activities

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There is a joke that pops up from time to time on the internet about the duality of man, making fun of two very contrasting things or someone doing a very unsuspected thing.

If there’s anything I’ve done recently that can illustrate this notion, it’s participate in both ax throwing and shuffleboarding on the same day.

I had never thrown an ax before, and I didn’t have much experience with ax wielding at all. All the wood my family burned in their fireplace at home was pre-cut, so we didn’t have to chop our own wood. The only time that would happen was if branches had to be cut from trees, which we had a contraption that kept us from climbing high to do the job.


So when the family members decided to take the time on the Saturday after Thanksgiving to go to an ax throwing stand, while still being interested, my mind thought of the kind of people who would hang out there, mainly those who take outdoor sports far too seriously. When I completed the waiver, one of the reasons I was there was a team building exercise. How is throwing a weapon made obsolete by firearms supposed to improve the working environment?

Targets that were set up with several planks of wood almost deteriorated from all the ax marks. An uncle would throw with such force that the wood would end up splitting in two, with the attendant having to replace him immediately.

I, not even one of my ax throws, could get into the woods. Almost every moment before the ax struck the wood, it seemed like it was upside down and the edge had returned to me. I tried many different throwing moves, positions, two hands instead of one, but none would do. At least there were times when the ax slid across the floor to my place, so I didn’t have to walk.

The shuffleboard room, meanwhile, was something we did the last time we were in Virginia which also had a bar, giant lawn games, live entertainment, and more Tang puns than any other. nobody in their right mind can suggest it. Compared to unsuccessfully throwing axes at a wooden target, pushing metal discs to get points was a light breeze in comparison, even though my piece ended up in a -10 gap. No scores were recorded for the games played, or at least I wasn’t paying attention since the Michigan-Ohio State game was playing in the background.

Shuffleboard is the safest and most doable activity out there, but there was something about trying to get the right ax throwing and sticking it in the wood. Like getting a baseball field to hit the catcher’s glove or hitting a golf ball with enough power, even though I’m frustrated. I probably have to develop my strength by chopping wood first if I want to play with these axes again.

Robert Creenan is a writer for the Huron Daily Tribune. He can be reached at [email protected]

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